This is a difficult problem and one airlines need to address. They should not allow people who are under the influence of drugs or alcohol to such a a level of impairment to board. However, it is not always apparent.
Once the flight is underway, it is a very difficult problem to resolve, especially if the flight is full. I do think it may have been more appropriate to ask the passenger to move. However, if the passenger would then have been relocated to sit next to someone else and cause discomfort to them, that would not have resolved the issue. I assume, as you were in first class, by asking your wife to move the she was then alone with noone seated next to her.
On the issue of battery.. whilst it is technically battery, I don't know any criminal jurisdiction that would criminally pursue a case of touching where there was no injury or sexual motive. At best you might have a civil tort.
The other passenger's conduct was offensive. United has an obligation to all the passengers onboard and really need to take stronger action to prevent people who are under the influence from boarding. Once onboard, they should be seen to take firm action, issuing warning as to conduct and issuing bans from future flights.. right up to having the police meet the plane. The captain becoming involved should only happen in extremis. There has already been a case where a captain (I think pre 911), came back to talk to a disruptive passenger on a flight from Spain to the UK and was assaulted. This could impair the captain's ability to fly and is ill-advised. If the issue can be contained by the cabin crew, it should be.
However, there is little that can be done now to resolve this to your satisfaction other than an offer of compensation. I always find it interesting how airlines place a value on the discomfort of passengers. For example, often the difference in price between first class and economy is very large, but the compensation offered if you don't receive a first class service is very small. That appears to be the case here. $250 dollar credit doesn't seem much to me, but what would be? You may be taking the only action you can... negative publicity and don't fly them again.
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