I completely agree with you that a frequent flyer ought to be able to have their flight preferences recognised automatically, including the ordering of special meals. In an age of computerisation, this is not beyond the wit of man.
I am a platinum member of a hotel group, and they alway know my preferences regarding a non smoking room, bed type, etc. I don't have to request this every time.
Having said that... I am not sure you could say the crew were callous..
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The callous attitude of the airline crew is even stark when one of crew member came forward and offered me to have just bread on a 10-hour long flight, while a couple of other tried pacifying me offering gift vouchers and other things as compensation.
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It sounds like they offered you what they could, given that no special meals was loaded, which is obviously beyond their control. They also offered you gift certificates. Given the limited options available to them, I think they did their best to show you their regret and help you. What else could they have done at that moment?