OK - from all of this it is clear the Etihad screwed up. They should not have changed the dates, especially after telling you it was not available in the first place.
However all of the rest of this is on you. They did not have anything to do with you going back to Washington from New York. Taht was a choice you made seperatly from them. The other thing is, did you call within 24 hours to reconfirm your reservation? The answer is no. So to that end you are partially responsible. Yes, the root cause is with Etihad, but you should always reconfirm you flights, and this is one good example why. It's also probably stated in the contract of carriage that you need to do so.
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