[goosed]

July 20, 2009

Northwest Customer Care Dept.
P.O. Box 1908
Minot, ND 58702

Delta Airlines
P.O. Box 20980
Atlanta, GA 30320-2980

On July 10 my husband and I flew from the Twin Cities to Austin, TX on Northwest flight no. 3468, departing (that is, until the goose pooped) at 2:20 p.m. I was in the bulkhead aisle, my husband had been bumped to first class.

There was on-board our flight a live, uncaged goose. The flight was delayed slightly as apparently it pooped all over somewhere back in coach, and there was much running back and forth with plastic bags. Shortly into the flight, the flight attendant showed up and told the gentleman next to me that he had to change seats with a woman further back who “recently had foot surgery and needed to elevate her foot.” (No mention of a goose.) He dutifully moved, and down plopped a woman with a large white goose on her lap. My first reaction was that it must be a toy. Then it started honking. It smelled. It fluffed its feathers, and they flew around. In about a minute I was getting congested, so I was also moved to first class – being, I learned, her second very unhappy seatmate – and of course at that point the woman finally had two seats to herself.

When we questioned Delta personnel, we were told it was some sort of “emotional distress assistance animal,” and that there was a federal law requiring airlines to accommodate such persons if they have a letter from their doctor.

This goose was the distressed one as it periodically started honking loudly, especially as we were landing, causing the woman to attempt to calm it down. Certainly those forced to share their small (and expensive) space with the thing were distressed. Airline personnel were not happy – and encouraged us to complain. The woman? She smiled the whole time, telling people she had flown with her goose 30-some times.

We were stunned, to put it mildly. I’ve heard about the buses in, say, Guatemala, where every second person has a chicken or whatever farm animal on their lap, heading to market. But somehow I doubt the cost of those buses is comparable to an airline ticket.

The plane that landed in the Hudson crossed my mind. I’m sure it would have been extremely helpful to have a terrified, honking goose flapping all over the cabin during their evacuation. THIS IS NOT A SAFE SITUATION (among other obvious problems), and I cannot believe that any non-third-world airline would tolerate it. And any person who is so mentally ill that he/she cannot fly without a goose (or similar “distress assistance”) loose on their lap or under their feet does not belong on a plane in the first place and should choose another form of transportation. Flying these days is a bit nerve-wracking for all of us in the best of circumstances.

When we arrived back home I called Northwest but was twice kicked out of the phone system. Then I called Delta, as the employees all had Delta IDs on their uniforms. After the woman on the phone had recovered somewhat from the shock of a goose on a plane, she said I would have to complain to Northwest as it had been “their flight.” I don’t know who’s in charge anymore, so I’m complaining to both of you. Frankly, after this experience I wonder if anybody is.